Nine of Swords
The Nine of Swords can be associated with sleepless nights and anxiety. Often we know exactly what we have done that has left us feeling remorse. This is a card that underscores the idea of “if only I could do this over…if only I could turn back time…if only…”
The problem is - what is done is done, and it is time to face that fact and move on. Perhaps you were rash in your actions or said things that left another unwilling to forgive. Now you have plenty of alone time to rehash each and every nuance and perhaps see that rash actions and hurtful words cannot be taken back. Chalk it up to a learning experience - but there is no need to dwell on it.
A crisis in conscience can occur even when you were doing what you thought was right and learned later, it was crossing the boundaries of propriety in some way. The silver lining is a deepening in intimacy or a commitment to patience.
In the future, you might be less defensive of principles that cannot replace the companionship that was lost. Whatever is causing this anxiety is squarely on your shoulders and you need to take responsibility for the condition that created it.
If you have the opportunity to apologize, do so. If nothing can be done, learn to forgive yourself. Everyone has experienced the guilt and shame of missing the point of a growth experience. Learning how to forgive is something you need to demonstrate with yourself.
Chalk it up to a learning experience and exercise patience so that you can realign with the events that unfold to make you more patient. Life is one long learning experience and nobody is perfect. In this amazing universe, all of life is moving toward growth. Mistakes are stepping stones to success, so keep the past in proper perspective.
Keywords: Feeling guilt and extreme anxiety for past actions. Worrying that is causing a loss of sleep or appetite. Suffering over an inability to take words or actions back. Inconsolable, Dark Night of the Soul and extreme regret. Wishing one could turn back time. Isolation, alienation and imprisonment.
Reversed: Paranoia or symptoms of drug abuse or alcoholism. Panic disorder and unfounded fear or anxiety. After reaching bottom, you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Bad behavior that is forgiven.